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Note from Demetria
(pseudonym)
"John" and I
were together (on and off again) for over 2 1/2 years.
There was constant turmoil with brief encounters of intense love
(not lust) and compassion for one another. This
relationship did not include Jesus Christ. At the time, I
drank some, and was dealing with other emotional issues, seeing
a psychiatrist for bi-polar disorder and ADHD. John was
seeing a psychiatrist as well for depression and a mood
disorder. We both take wellbutrin and an anti-depressant.
Our relationship escalated
into a physical altercation where the law was involved and John
went to jail. We are now apart with a restraining order
between us. It has been several months.
A couple of weeks ago, the
Lord put a conviction on my heart to call John's father and
apologize for a lie I told. I also had the opportunity to
talk with John and ask for his forgiveness. While on the
phone, John revealed that he still loves me and wants us to be
together again. I let John know that since we have been
apart I have come to know the Lord and that Christ Jesus is the
first man in my life. I am now saved and serving God.
This happened between the time John went to jail and now.
John was very happy for me, as he was raised in a Christian
home, even though he has not been living what I would describe
as a "walk with God" since we have been together.
I told John I could not be with a man who would not be willing
to commit his life to Jesus Christ and go to church.
This is the life that God has chosen for me and I am eternally
grateful that he has given me the chance to live for the
first time in my life. I am 44 years old and have never
felt truly loved by anyone until now. I know that God
loves me.
I am also going through a
very difficult time physically, as i am off on disability and
may not be able to return to my job again. My future is
unclear in that area, as well as financially, etc. I am
facing possible back surgery and live in constant back pain,
walking with a cane and only able to function for 15 minute
increments. But I know it is God's plan and I have to
leave it in his hands. It is just difficult to hold back
the tears and not be afraid of the unknown at times and worry
about the things that I used to worry about before I came to
know the Lord.
I guess to wrap it up, I
need to decide if I should give this relationship another
chance? John and I were very destructive emotionally to
one another, but also seemed to love each other very much when
we were not angry. I miss him terribly, but am more
determined to dedicate my life to the Lord than anything else.
I am praying on this and know he will lead me in the right
direction. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest
and get some feed back.
Thanks for listenening.
Response from Lynn Green:
I'll put the ball back in your court on this.
a. You indicated that the two of you were abusive to each
other verbally and otherwise.
b. You indicated that the abuse was serious enough that
there were restraining orders taken out.
c. You indicated that he is in jail.
d. You indicated that he is not a Christian.
I'm not going to give you any advice because I am 100% positive
you already know what you should do, given the information you
shared with me.
Your email is titled, "I am lost". No you
aren't. You know exactly where you are and what you should and
should and should not be doing.
May you do what you know is right.
Lynn
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